...

Here I sit, watching Benny and Joon, a movie that has been recommended to me many many times and I am finally watching it.

May term has been the most amazing experience of my life!!

I love all of the people that I am living with and the experiences I have had and the ones that I am going to have.

I am so happy that I got cast in Once Upon A Mattress!!!

Okay, so I think that I am going to have the whole theater/chemistry thing figured out shortly. I have talked to my parents and they are open to the idea.

I just have such weird feelings about who I am and what my life is.

The season finale of House intrigued me very much. It was about a man who had had split brain surgery to stop his seizures. Unlike most patients, who lose the ability to communicate with their right brain and therefore lose that aspect of themselves, this guy's right brain personality, the pat of a human that sees the big picture and holds our creativity (basically the artsy side), became an equal but mute (language and the ability to speak are in the left brain) part of the guy's being.

Okay, pardon the back story rant but in my mind it is very important that you understand this guy's condition because I feel kind of like him. Now obviously, my left hand is not acting of its own accord but I still feel the truth in the analogy that I have somehow separated my left and right brain and that they act slightly independently. Yes this is a crazy notion, but this is just the current solution that I have for my issues.

This is why I have such a strong desire to be a theater major, my whimsical right brain would thrive in that environment, but my analytical left brain is showing me how illogical and impractical it is for me to get a theater degree and it is making me feel guilty as all get out about my desicion.

Anyways, I will finish this thought later because I just closed my eyes to blink and opened them with the realization that I had just taken a two minute nap...

MAY TERM AND MATTRESSES!!!

So,

Finals were crazy but good. My life has been running like mad ever since I teched 42nd street!!!

So I have an idea that I have run by my parents and they are willing to think about it but even if they cannot support me I am going to find a way to make it happen and I probably have told most people about this because it was my original plan when I wanted to come APU. Okay, now that you are thinking that I have decided to do something crazy and wrong and maybe not completely ethical, I am going to tell you what I plan to do.

I have a strong and intense desire to double major in Chemistry and Theater. After a year of classes here at APU and being involved in both departments, I love chemistry and I do want to be a forensic scientist but I love theater just as much and I feel weird denying that part of me and not living my life truthfully and to the fullest.

I have thought about this for so long and have struggled with it that I feel like it has been a stumbling block for me and I have been unable to fully embrace who I am and what I can be. I feel like, if I choose the path of science, and do not grow as an actor, that I will miss out on an entire section of my life that I won't be able to get back.

I feel like I have some how split my being into to different sections. Both parts are fully me and equal to each other but they are almost the antithesis of each other. I have been struggling with how to combine my left and right brains essentially.
I have a lot of reasons for wanting this and I feel that, because there is such a struggle in me over this idea, that I am being prevented.

Goodness gracious. I need to stop this rant but I just needed to type it out...and my battery is about to die.....